


Moody Monday

by orphan_account



Category: South Park
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, It's Just A Prank Bro, M/M, Multi, Opposites Attract, Other, Style if you squint, Totally accurate character portrayals, blind dates, ebic meme XD, eric is evil, lowkey abuse, some characters are in college
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-25
Updated: 2018-03-24
Packaged: 2019-04-07 14:02:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14082534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: "Okay, Butters, I'll be frank with you," he said, with that mischievous glint in his eye. "The guys set us up, and I don't appreciate it. I'm assuming you aren't a big fan, either. So how about we do something about that?""Ken," Butters replied, his voice sober. "I don't know if I follow what you're suggesting, here. It could be brilliant, but I'm not sure if I'm on board just yet." Kenny leaned in over the table, grinning."Let's get back at them!"





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> damb, daniel........ writing? unbelievable.....
> 
> as time (and the fic) go on i'll be adding more tags as i see fit...... but for now that should do it :V
> 
> i dont think the name of the fic will have anything to do unless i figure that out  
> 

Though arguably the best season of them all, South Park's summers were hot and humid. Kyle, Stan, and Eric all loafed around in some lawn chairs in Eric's backyard. Stan had his phone whipped out, texting Wendy, as Kyle looked over his shoulder. Eric was complaining about something. Most of the time, Stan and Kyle took no notice of this. When was Eric _not_ complaining?

"- And I swear to God, if I hear that little dildo complain about not having a girlfriend one more time, I'm gonna lose it." Eric's voice cut in, distracting Kyle from Stan's screen.

"Whoa, dude, who?" Kyle asked, glancing over to Eric. In the past few years, he'd filled out. His height grew, and he had shed a few pounds. He still kept some of his asshole personality, and Kyle often questioned why he was still friends with him after all these years.

"Kenny, you fucknut!" Eric scoffed. "All he does is complain about chicks not liking him. Like, obviously!"

"Don't you complain about that all the time? Last I heard, you bitched about Heidi pretty often. It takes a little bitch to know one, I mean," Stan interjected. He was tapping at his phone, with a bored expression. Eric glared at him.

"Shut up. You used to vomit all over Wendy," Eric shot back. Stan just shrugged, mumbling a quick 'not anymore'.

Kyle had enough of the back and forth and quickly interjected. "What, so Kenny is just upset about not being able to keep a chick?"

"Pretty much. Spend over ten minutes around him and you'll get sick of it real quick. I don't know how someone can be so whiny," Eric huffed.

Stan giggled. "I know someone who's whiny. His name's Eric."

"Shut it, Jew-lover!" Eric retorted.

After that, there was a lull in the conversation. Eric returned his attention to the sky, looking for birds and throwing pebbles at them. Stan continued to text Wendy, but checked his social media feeds often. However, Kyle was mulling over what Eric had said. Kenny _did_ have a hard time with girls, and it's not because he was unattractive or anything (from a subjective, heterosexual perspective). Speaking of sexual orientation, maybe Kenny had a hard time because he wasn't straight? That was something to consider.

"We should help Kenny." The suggestion caught everyone off guard. But it was a good idea in Kyle's mind. He didn't deserve to have a hard time at all.

Eric laughed, and even Stan snorted. "Dude, what the fuck? Help Kenny get a girlfriend? You're insane," Eric cackled.

"Oh, fuck you, you mega anti-Semite. Maybe he doesn't need a girlfriend. I was thinking he might need a boyfriend, not a girlfriend.. The problem would be getting a boy willing to date the poor guy," Kyle replied.

"Holy shit. Are you saying Kenny's gay? He's like, the only person our age who's gay," from Eric.

"Wow, rude much? You're forgetting Tweek and Craig," Stan said.

Eric looked at Stan like he was crazy. "I thought they were only fake gay. Because of those Asian chicks, right? And everyone got depressed when they faked a break-up."

"Eric, no! They were legit gay the whole time. Thought you would've heard, considering you're in cahoots with Heidi. If they were faking it, they definitely would've dropped it by now. You know, since they've been together every day for eight years and counting."

"No shit? Wow. Also, don't say I'm in cahoots with Heidi. I'm her boyfriend."

Again, Kyle was the one to interject. This was about Kenny and how they could help him, not Tweek and Craig. "Alright, guys, enough of that. Who do you know Kenny might even have the interest to date? What kind of person does he like?"

"Shit, dude, he cut ties with Tammy a long time ago. She was a bit of a whore anyways," Eric replied, pausing to think. "He liked Kelly a lot. She was okay, not much of a whore, but I remember she picked her nose a lot." That earned a snort from both Kyle and Stan.

"Maybe he's got a thing for blondes. He seems to have a good friendship with Butters," Stan suggested, putting his phone away to focus. "Wait, what about Butters? They get along and Butters likes him."

Kyle grinned at that. Stan was right - Butters and Kenny got along really well. Kenny was arguably the dude's best friend, and they had even gone to Hawaii together. "Right. I think we should set them up. Stan, can you get Butters? I can get Kenny, and Eric can orchestrate the actual date."

"Deal."

"Sure."

* * *

 

Kenny and Kyle were lounging around in Kyle's room, playing a video game. Kenny refused to allow anyone over to his house. He was in some distress about his family's financial situation. It had gotten worse in the past few years, and he had a hard time hearing about his education options. He was working at a warehouse now, unable to afford college like all his other friends.

"Hey, Ken, would you ever date a guy?" Kyle asked, setting forth his plan. The game's pause screen flashed with a 'Retry?' option highlighted.

After a brief pause, Kenny shook his head. "I don't know. Maybe if he had a nice ass. Why do you ask? Should I be suspicious?"

"Don't be suspicious. I know a guy who knows a guy, and I think you two might get along..." Kyle trailed off, quirking an eyebrow at his friend.

"Well, whatever. Sure," Kenny replied, distracted. Kyle smirked.

"I'll text you all the information tonight."

 


	2. One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And so it begins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gotta go fast

Kenny wasn't sure about this at all. It's not like his friends were the most trustworthy people - for all he knew, they had set him up with some hideous creation they'd found. But he wanted someone he could cherish. Kelly and Tammy from his childhood hadn't ended well. Elizabeth, his latest girlfriend, left him for some asshole. She was too pretty for Kenny, anyways. He hadn't given guys a chance until Kyle suggested it, and he was actually open to it.

  
So that's why he was sitting in some crappy diner his friends had found. He knew what the guy looked like - Kyle described him as small, blonde, blue-eyed. It sounded like someone Kenny would like. Actually, it reminded him of Kelly. She was a nice girl; he wished it had lasted longer, but she was just too far away for him to take daily commutes and calls. As he worked more jobs to support his family, he didn't have the time for all of it. Someone in South Park would've worked out better.

Then he'd found Tammy. She was also nice, but a whore, if he was honest.

Almost impatiently, Kenny looked at his watch. It was almost nine, and his supposed cutie wasn't there yet. He briefly thought the guys had set him up, and Eric was filming him looking like an utter retard at this diner, waiting for a date that would never come. He wasn't supposed to leave unless the guy didn't show for an hour, but it was quickly approaching.

  
The diner's bell dinged, and he looked up expectantly. To his surprise, it was Butters, looking around with a confused expression. When he spotted Kenny at the booth, a cup of coffee in his hand, he lit up and bounced over. His undercut looked freshly cut, something Kenny noted in a weird-but-not-really manner. But he seemed so happy, and so bouncy. Never in a million years would Kenny purposely do anything to that angel.

  
"Oh, hiya, Kenny," he greeted, sliding into the opposite seat. A disgruntled waiter walked over, and Butters ordered a lemonade. He walked briskly off, scribbling in his notepad. "Whatcha doin' here?" he asked cheerfully.

  
"Waiting for a date. The guys set me up on a blind date, and I'm not sure how that'll go over," Kenny confessed, leaning back in the booth and fidgeting with the handle on his mug. He took a quick sip, looking over the rim at Butters.

  
Butters slapped his hand over his mouth. It was clear he was half-laughing, half-gasping. "No way, Ken. I'm here for a date too! Gee, the guys set me up, too." Kenny spat out his coffee, grabbed a napkin, and wiped it up.

  
"What the fuck? You match the description Kyle gave me. Holy fuck, they've got us on a blind date. I bet you five bucks they're giggling, watching from the bushes outside. You've got to be shitting me right now." Kenny leaned back and coughed into his fist. "Yeah. I'm going to kill 'em."

At that moment, the waiter interrupted and gave Kenny a weird look. He set down a glass of lemonade and asked for their orders. Kenny got a burger, and Butters just got fries. He bustled off, and Butters commented on how he must not like the late shift.

"Oh, jeez," Butters replied, immediately turning to look out the window. "I don't seem 'em, Ken," he replied. Kenny shook his head, crossing his arms.

"Okay, Butters, I'll be frank with you," he said, with a mischievous glint in his eye. "The guys set us up, and I don't appreciate it. I'm assuming you aren't a big fan, either. So how about we do something about that?"

"Ken," Butters replied, his voice sober. "I don't know if I follow what you're suggesting, here. It could be brilliant, but I'm not sure if I'm on board just yet." Kenny leaned in over the table, grinning.

"Let's get back at them!" He suggested, looking like a real devil.

Butters paused. "Wait, you don't appreciate that they set us up on a blind date? Gee, even if it was just a joke, I appreciate what they did. Maybe they genuinely thought..."

"Bullshit, buddy. I've known them since kindergarten! There's no way that they did this out of the kindness in their hearts. Absolutely fucking not. Have you ever met Eric? That fatass manipulated you all the time. I wouldn't be surprised if he convinced Kyle and Stan to pull this retarded prank," Kenny hissed, leaning back and folding his arms again. He shook his head, then turned to look out the window.

"Aw, well, gee... when you put it like that, I kinda see what you're saying. What's your plan, Ken?" Butters responded.

Kenny had to think about that for a moment. "They want me to have a relationship? They need to be careful what they wish for. Let's fake a relationship and pull the prank on _them,_ " he smiled.

"That sounds like a really complicated plan, Ken. We'd have to... uh, keep that going for a long time! I'm not sure if I can handle all that. But I can try." Butters sipped his lemonade for a long time while Kenny watched him.

"Yeah. Let's do it. I'm sure they're watching right now, so act like we're having a lot of fun. We'll walk out doing something that a couple would do. It'll be hilarious to see their faces in a few weeks when we tell them the truth."

"Oh, sure," Butters said into his lemonade, looking at Kenny over the rim of the plastic cup. He did have a crush on Kenny when they were younger. Maybe sixth grade to freshman year of high school. But he never said anything, out of fear and out of respect for Kenny's girlfriend(s) at the time. Despite being poor and hidden in that parka, he had more than Butters. He remembered Tammy, and how alarmed he was when he learned Kenny had a girlfriend - a tramp, nonetheless!

Well, okay, maybe he had a couple. But one was in Canada and they broke up after the girls held a revolution. He wasn't sure how the girls reached Charlotte, but that wasn't important anymore. Man, he really did take after his father on the grounds of who he liked, minus the whole abusive thing.

The waiter walked by again, this time with their food orders, settling them unceremoniously on the table. He confirmed that it was one check, with Butters whispering to Kenny that he could really help - to which Kenny declined, stating that it was okay. He told Butters about his warehouse job, and how he could afford a meal for the two of them (especially since the diner was cheap and crappy).

The two discussed their mischievous plan further, and the events that could happen in the future to convince their friends. Butters really dodged the subject when kisses or physical contact came into the plans. Kenny just chalked it up to the boy being pure and innocent, unlike himself. For fuck's sake, he'd had syphilis before.

"You know, Butters, I think this plan's gonna work out just fine. It'll be real funny, I swear. Oh, dude, I just though of something that would really fuck 'em up," Kenny burst, slamming the table with his palm after he'd finish. Butters was a slow eater.

"What?" the smaller boy replied, picking at his fries. Obviously he was a bit uneasy about the whole thing, but Kenny didn't call him out on it.

"What if in, like, three months, we faked a bad breakup? In front of them and everything. 'You son of a bitch! You cheated on me, I can't believe you!'" Kenny acted, grinning.

Butters exhaled, smiling with closed lips. "Yeah, buddy, that actually would be funny." Kenny nodded along in agreement.

* * *

The two spent the rest of the 'date' discussing their plan and definitely didn't consider any real dates afterwards. Butters seemed a bit uneasy, but it seemed to resolve itself as time went on. By the end of their outing, they'd figured out a plan.

As they walked out of the diner, Kenny having paid their bill, they paused briefly to talk.

"It wasn't so bad. I see them in the bush across the street," Kenny said nonchalantly, stretching his arms out. "You got a ride?" he asked, looking around the lot. It seems it had started to rain while the pair was indoors.

"Nah," Butters replied, looking up at the rain clouds. "Can I get one?"

"Yeah, 'course. Here, let's play this up," he suggested, bending down swiftly to stage a kiss on the smaller boy's cheek. Butters blushed brightly, turning away quickly. Kenny lead him to their car, staring at the bush he saw Stan. Quickly, he ushered Butters into the passenger seat and drove off, turning up the music and laughing.

The guys were really in for a big surprise in a few weeks. It would totally be worth it all to see their faces.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading uwu i'll try to get the next chapter up as soon as i can


End file.
